Me Being Boring

having weird dreams about being bitten by snakes and dealing with two puppies that are clingier than i am and one that wont shut up, and family thats hopefully gonna be gone soon. my life is one psychotic roller coaster of crap. and even though ive had two cups of coffee today i still want to crawl back under blankets and sleep the day away. 

why is that when i plan on making dinner for SIX fucking people, my godmother feels the need to step in and tell me (who is 23 and knows how to fucking cook) how to make dinner. and then totally puts down my dream of becoming a youtube partner! when i plan a meal, i fucking plan a meal. i dont need her unemployed ass telling me how i suck at life just because shes unhappy with her own. im happy with my life, i just wish that people would get off my back, look at their own lives, and stay the fuck outta my bussiness! plus, i dont go around putting people down, least of all the people that are supposed to be my role models, so why should they (the person that is supposed to be my role model) be putting me down? i cant wait for everybody to be out of this house! the people that dont live here will move back home, the previous owner of this house will be gone, and me and my boyfriend will have the house to ourselves. AND ILL FINALLY HAVE MY KITCHEN BACK WITH NOBODY TELLING ME HOW TO COOK DINNER IN IT!!!!

i live in vermont but am not from here. where im from people dont have a term for me because i belong there.

he doesnt like me, thats obvious enough, but he doesnt have to call me names to prove to me that he doesnt want me here.

i know i cant do much but help around the house, and help make sure he has the things he needs when my godparents arent around.

but i try. i try to be nice. i try to do what i can. i try to make it look like it doesnt hurt.

i just dont understand what i did to make him hate me so much.

where im from people dont have a term for me because i belong there.

i belong where the land is flat, where people dont use terms that describe where they are from to make them feel like an outsider.

the term flatlander, is so insulting. i know it may be wrong to compare it to another word but i cant think of any other way.

everytime i hear that word, it makes me think that if i were african american he would use the “N” word on me at every chance he got.

its probly not an acceptable comparison, but that how bad, unwanted, and hated he makes me feel.

i just wanted to let the world, or some few people, know how i feel, and if theres someone that makes you feel this bad, let it out, or it will eat you, and soon you will feel that way about yourself. please let it out.

and remember, there is always someone that loves you and will never make you feel this way. and if you havent found them yet, just keep looking. theyre there.

waiting.

my mind is blank and i dont know what to think about or what to do. my boyfriend got laid off and now that i dont have to wake up at 5am anymore i really dont know what to do. im so used to getting up everyday at 5am and sitting on my parents couch all day that now getting up whenever i wake up and just sitting in my chair in my chair all day it feels weird. i actually fell asleep watching tv in bed at 10am. i dont understand it. i mean im happy that i dont have to get up at 5am anymore, but now i feel like i dont have anything to do. i would get up at 5am to drive into town with my boyfriend because he has bad anxiety but now that i dont have to i feel like i dont have a purpose of any kind, even if it is small. i dont know what to do, my boyfriend isnt really upset that he got laid off but i feel bad.

looks depressing from the grounds point of view. bet it looks nice above the cloud line. i hate when it rains. makes me tired and grumpy. wish the sun would shine. make the grounds point of view better. oh what a wonderful thing to see the suns smile.

tumblrbot asked: WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE INANIMATE OBJECT?

the coffee cup!